Grieving a Friend

Passaic County Technical Institute’s School-Based Youth Services Program

On February 10, 2009, a Passaic County Technical Institute (PCTI) senior and long-time Teen Center participant died suddenly while lifting weights in his gym class. His passing left a significant void in many lives, causing great emotional strife for many individuals.

PCTI responded quickly, setting up five emergency counseling sites in the school which were staffed with the school’s 15 guidance counselors, 3 child study teams and 7 members from the county emergency psych unit. But despite their best efforts, the students just wanted to be somewhere that felt familiar and safe – the Teen Center. The Teen Center was filled beyond capacity with grieving students in shock for the entire day following the tragedy. Without a prepared script or manual to follow, our staff was overwhelmed. Quickly, however, we realized that all we could do was listen, hold a hand, give a hug, and offer a tissue.

While the situation was unexpected, the staff is prepared to deal with crises, and I believe we managed this tragic situation as well as could be expected. The head of the crisis team suggested closing the Teen Center doors so that we could get a much needed break from the throngs of students coming to write on a poster memorializing their peer’s life or to get a hug from a friend. We declined and remained open to serve as many students as humanly possible.

In the days that followed, each one of us had to process our own grief while supporting the students and each other. Anyone could have called in sick or stepped back – instead, everyone stepped up. The wake was painful, but the young people of our program pulled together to do what was needed to try to memorialize a life too short. Students and teachers whom we’ve never met before came in to write tributes for their friend and pupil. Our site became a place of healing where students unknowingly participated in “Art Therapy” and leaned on one another for support.

The students and staff are still mourning, but having the Teen Center available to everyone helped to lessen each individual’s emotional burden. It was a challenge, but I know the staff wouldn’t have done it any other way.